GOOOOOOOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!!!!!!
This is DREAMWALKER with lightworker radio! Well we're here today at lightworker radio W-LITE to wish you all a fabulous good morning! The weather today will be sunny with a chance of raining cats and dogs... or possibly scorpions! That's right, it's now apocalypse 2 point oh! Apparently God's marketing team is working overtime on this one - they want to make sure your apocalypse is fully upgraded and ready for new levels of terror!
Speaking of hell, we bring you this special report direct from the front lines of the war raging over the zombie apocalypse... Over to you, Mandy!
Thank you, Dreamwalker! We're here today with our fighting force, the boys in blue - except of course they're wearing green, ha ha - and with me today is two of our brave men from the the 666th Marine Corps, preparing for the upcoming battle.
Excuse me, sir - what's your name and what are you doing here?
Well, miss, my name is Private Gomer Pyle and this here is the Sarge.
That's SARGENT Sargent to you, Private!!!!!!
YES SARGENT, Sargent Sargent!
Private Pyle you have permission to show the nice lady our fine arsenal of zombie control weapons and techniques!
Yes Sargent, Sargent Sargent!
Well miss, what we have here is the latest military-grade crucifix. Each one costs the US taxpayer roughly half a million dollars. They're made of Titanium, so they will never break! And they have these here flashing lights on top! When you wave it in front of you like THIS, zombies are supposed to run away from you!
PRIVATE PYLE WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT HOLDING THE CRUCIFIX???
Sorry, Sarge other way around.... But sarge what if they're good Christian zombies?
THERE ARE NO SUCH THING PRIVATE PYLE - ALL ZOMBIES ARE EVIL.
Well, I just thought if they're the good kind, then they wouldn't be scared of me waving a crucifix in front of my face.
PRIVATE PYLE YOU ARE NOT PAID TO THINK!!
Yes Sargent, Sargent Sargent... Sargent!
(Mandy: ) Moving right along...
Oh right, Miss, well, right HERE we have some holy oil! And first you have to put it HERE, an' HERE, and....
PRIVATE PYLE STOP SPREADING THAT HOLY OIL ON YOUR BODY!!
Well goooolllly, Sarge, I figured I might as well get a tan while we're waiting...
STOP THAT RIGHT NOW PRIVATE - that is military-grade holy oil, only to be used for throwing at enemy zombies!
Yes Sargent, Sargent Sargent!
(Mandy: ) Is there anything else you'd like to show me?
No, Miss, I'm afraid that's about it. Except for this here chainsaw. It cost me $30 at walmart but I'm only licensed to use it to cut down trees...
(Mandy: ) No Nukes? No Shotguns? No TANKS?
Well, Miss the problem with those things is that Zombies are already dead... so you can't make them any more deader than they already are...
(Sargent Sargent ) Ma'am we requisitioned a few tanks but with the budget cutbacks and the 11 other wars going on, they couldn't afford to send any for this effort.
(Mandy ) Oh my God.
(Sargent Sargent ) Not any more, Ma'am!
(Mandy: ) Well, there you have it Dreamwalker. We're pretty much screwed here!
(DW: ) Thank you, Mandy - have a wonderful time at the front!
(Mandy) I love you too, Dreamwalker you son of a...
(DW: cutting Mandy off) Well that's all we have for you today on this special report, but tune in later to see how Mandy is making out!
( bing bing bing) Radio W-LITE!!!!!!!